I’ve been pondering “identity” lately. Who am I in Christ? I’ve been some other “broken” version of myself for so long that I’m not so sure.
When you surrender yourself to God’s love and grace, you start to change into who He created you to be. It can be exciting, and also a little scary. For one thing, I’ve learned that I’m actually more of an introvert than I thought I was! In an effort to gain people’s approval, I LEARNED how to be an extrovert.
As God knew this identity question was on my mind, He put an image in my head during a worship service recently. It was from a fond memory I had of my father when I was a child. I must’ve been no more than six or seven years old. I had forgotten all about it.
We were at church. My dad was wearing one of those “80s sweaters.” You know what I’m talking about… It sort of looked like a carpet with sleeves. At least it was just shades of black, white, and grey, and not some amalgam of bright clashing colors. As ugly as this sweater was, it was incredibly soft and warm.
Every time he would wear it to church, I would sit next to him and cuddle him. I’d snuggle his arm with the side of my face like I was hugging a stuffed animal. I would spend most of the service that way, arm-in-arm with him. Come to think of it—he wore that sweater to church a lot. I wonder if he did it intentionally because he knew I’d snuggle him?
As God put that image in my head, He was telling me:
THAT’S you—that little girl who isn’t afraid to love and to be loved.
Before the PAIN that came later in life,
before the FEAR that came after the pain,
before the BROKENNESS that came after the fear,
that little girl is who you REALLY are.
The good news is that I don’t have to be broken anymore, and neither do you. Inside of you, there’s a little girl who’s eager to love and to allow herself to be loved. If that’s you, you can pray this prayer with me today:
Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for showing me who I am. Thank you for never leaving me, and for always loving me, no matter what I do. Please forgive me for having a heart of bitterness toward those who are trying to love me (including You). Please forgive me for fearfully withholding my love for others and for You. I don’t want to be broken anymore. As I open myself up to others and to You, please stay with me because I am scared. I’m more scared now than that little girl ever was. Please take away my pain and fear, and replace it with Your love and strength. In JESUS’ name, Amen.
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.Mark 10:13-16
And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.
Purple Petunia 