I’m gonna be honest with you—every time I post something on this blog, I am tested in my own life with the very thing I wrote about, and I fail every time…
But with every screw-up, I learn more 🙂 I like to think that God is refining me and giving me a dose of humility at the same time, both of which I’m grateful for.
So…as a follow-up to my previous post, “The Marriage Rope,” I wanted to share what I learned in the aftermath (i.e., what God taught me).
I was in one of those “funks.” You know what I’m talking about: “I’m not good enough. I’ll never be the wife my husband needs me to be, etc.”
As soon as those poisonous thoughts started flooding my head, I knew they were lies, straight from the enemy himself. I am thankful that God now gives me awareness as to when I start to go to “the dark side.” However, despite me KNOWING of my impending doom, I CHOSE to continue my path to darkness and take up camp there. I chose to accept those lies as truth and feel the pain that goes along with them.
As you can imagine, all this negativity turned into FEAR, which then morphed into ANGER, toward my husband mostly. I was cold, bitter, and dark…the complete opposite of who I TRULY am.
I knew I needed to pray, but I didn’t. Have you ever been so deep in the dark that you just can’t bring yourself to ACTUALLY pray (for yourself)?
I WANTED to stay in the dark. It gave me some kind of twisted satisfaction and comfort. I hadn’t been that deep in the dark in awhile, so when I got there, it felt like home again. Like having a relapse. As Beth Moore writes in her book, “Get Out of That Pit”: “No one needs the Physician more than the person who likes the taste of the toxin that keeps poisoning her.” Aside from the Bible, of course, this is one book I HIGHLY recommend!
A couple days into my funk, and in my own wisdom, I thought, “Maybe this is just PMS?” So I was finally able to pray, but this was essentially what I prayed: “God, please put my hormones in balance again, so that I can go back to my true self. Thanks!” That didn’t work…
I eventually realized I had it all wrong. I prayed the wrong prayer. This realization came to me from a series of “nudges” from God. Words from friends, songs, blogs, books—all jumping out at me (in PERFECT order, mind you). Words that God knew I needed to hear to get out of my “pit.” Isn’t it awesome how God can deliver a message to you? When you’ve gone astray, He’ll always find a way to get through to you. Just keep your EYES and your EARS open! 🙂
So I finally prayed the prayer that God was waiting for: “Father…I can’t do this. I believed the enemy’s lies and willingly fell into this trap. Now, I can’t get out. I am hurting my family and myself. Please forgive me. I need You. I don’t know how to get out, but You do. Please help.”
THIS is being vulnerable and surrendering to God. When you realize you can’t fight a battle, get down on your knees (metaphorically or literally—I prefer literally), and ask the One who can. The sooner you do this, the least amount of damage you’ll cause to yourself and to others.
There was another time I prayed this prayer. But the “funk” preceding that prayer was 7 months. You can imagine what damage I had done in that period of time… This time, it only took 3 days. God is good!!!
And now, let me brag about God, the One who saves. After saying that prayer, I woke up the next day, and it felt like a veil had been lifted off me. I felt like myself again. No explanation, other than the healing and mercy of God. I had that same (practically instantaneous) healing with my 7-month funk, too. NOTHING is impossible for God. (Matthew 19:26)
I don’t know about you, but I now plan on praying this prayer of surrender regularly. But you can’t just SAY it and expect it to work, you have to BELIEVE it. God knows when you’re just blowing smoke. He sees your heart, and He knows you more than you know yourself.
I feel compelled to say this as well: if you notice others in a “funk,” pray for them. Although they may not yet be ready to pray for themselves, YOU sure can! If you truly believe in the power of prayer, then you know it works.
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“And Jesus answered them, ‘Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.’” Mark 11:22-24 (ESV)
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV)
Purple Petunia 