Leaking Rage (Pt. 1)

I know what you’re thinking: “I don’t know what that is, but I don’t think I want it.” You’re correct!

God recently revealed the concept of “leaking rage” to me, as I’ve been struggling to control my outbursts. Not like I have one every hour, but I’d say I have at least one a day, usually in the form of yelling with a look of pure evil on my face. It’s not pretty…

For a long time, my rage leaked out onto my husband. If something upset me at work or with the kids, my rage would come pouring out in his direction, usually over something stupid like, “Would you stop cleaning so much?! I don’t know where anything is!!!”

Then, I realized what I was doing, prayed for forgiveness, and stopped raging at him (mostly).

After fixing that leak, my rage started leaking out onto my children. I pray that God fixes whatever emotional wounds I’ve given them by yelling at them with the “you should be ashamed of yourself” face. Actually, no yelling is necessary. I think that “face” alone is wounding—it just pierces their souls.

Then, I realized what I was doing, prayed for forgiveness, and stopped raging at them (mostly). Rinse and repeat…

After fixing that leak, my rage started leaking out onto our dog. Yelling and finger-pointing at her for things that aren’t even her fault—she’s a puppy for crying out loud!

At this point, I’ve finally discovered what the Lord has been trying to tell me. I have a bad case of “leaking rage.”

Rage is a clever thing. It always finds a way out. You bounce around trying to stop the leaks, only to find that the rage finds another outlet. It’s exhausting and discouraging.

I’ve been wasting my time focusing on each of the “leaks” instead of just trying to stop the flow altogether! God is saying, “Stop fixing the leaks. Just turn it off!”

What’s causing YOUR rage? Not what’s causing the “leaks”—what’s REALLY causing the rage to be there in the first place?

I know what’s causing mine, but I’m not ready to write about it yet. 😀Stay tuned for “Leaking Rage” (Part 2)!

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20 (ESV)