Oh, how the good Lord humbled me this morning RIGHT after my post about family not being the enemy. Doh!
A few weeks ago, my husband and I decided that I would quit my job and stay at home to care for the children. We prayed about it, and felt God was telling us that this was the right decision.
We were a “dual-income” family up until now, and so we have a “dual-income” lifestyle with a “dual-income” mortgage. Yikes! So needless to say, there has been some worry over money… And most of the worrying has come from my husband, now the sole income provider, and not so much from me.
This imbalance of worry is partially due to our current “situational” imbalance of faith. One of my spiritual gifts is faith so not worrying about tomorrow comes more naturally to me (but not always—see my first post!). Side note: If you don’t know what spiritual gifts are, I encourage you to learn more about them and find out which ones God has given you.
This morning, my husband told me that he had a bad dream about not being able to support the family. He was pretty down about it. And the dream, of course, exacerbated the slight worry he already had. Instead of comforting him and encouraging him, I got kind of angry and practically shamed and berated him for not having faith that God will take care of us. “It’s just a dream.” “If you’re dreaming about it, then you’re worried about it.” “Do you want to give up?” I cringe as I write this—how nasty we can be…
I’d venture to say that most marriages have these “imbalances” of faith, either generally or situationally like this. So what should we do when we’re the one with more faith? I’ll tell you what the enemy wants us to do—exactly what I did! Use that gift of faith as a sword to hurt your spouse. “You should be ashamed that you don’t believe in God the way I do.” “You don’t have what it takes to get through this.” These weren’t my words to him, but that tone was there.
Do I believe this? Of course not. I think I got a little angry because his worrying caused a slight shift in my faith, which then brought on fear. And this makes the enemy even happier! Two-for-one!
I believe it’s okay to get frustrated and maybe even a little angry when your spouse is struggling with his/her faith. But instead of responding out of that frustration (and fear), let’s pause and stop this from snowballing. “I’m sorry you are feeling this way. This must be hard for you. I know you love this family, and it’s important to you to make sure we’re taken care of. I’ll pray that God gives you strength and faith.”
And then actually PRAY! That is the best thing you can do aside from speaking encouraging and loving words (your own words and God’s words from the Bible). We cannot give our spouses faith—that comes from God. But we can sure pray and ask God to provide it to them.
These imbalances of faith can actually strengthen your marriage if you respond the right way. Not only will your spouse’s faith grow, but yours will, too, because you didn’t let the imbalance pull your faith down.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29 (Thanks, Maggi, for bringing this verse to my attention!)
Purple Petunia 